A reflection stares back at me in the mirror I
gaze at..... I barely know the truth about this woman staring back at me, she
mimics all the movements I make as if to fascinate me even more. I think I have a vague `idea` of who she is,
but the thought evades me... I look deep in her eyes, as if I am looking
remotely into something out of my reach... A numb sensation clouds my mind,
then I realise, I don’t know the Truth about her...
The vivid reflection I`m focusing on barely
reveals its soul to me... it`s not helping me understand... I can identify the
image in the mirror but I vaguely comprehend its truth!
I am eluded with lack of fact about this
fascinating woman.... What gifts and talents does she hold, what dreams could
she potentially hold, in fact who is she???
I am compelled to go on a soulful, spiritual expedition to uncover the
truth she elusively hides.
The truth is; I lost myself.... The truth smashes
into me as I recount the neglect I did... the shame scratches my soul by just
the thought of what I did. I betrayed
myself... For the first time, tears trickle from my eyes, moistening my feet
gently. I brave myself as I sternly look at the reflection gazing back at me, I
embrace the confound truth... It`s me...
I`m guilty of not giving her the love, joy,
kindness, peace, long suffering she has so desperately needed.
I denied her love but so graciously tried to love
the world.
I denied her kindness because I was caught up
being kind to the rest...
I denied her peace because the call for peace to
everyone else` life was far greater than my own...
I denied her joy because I had to brighten the
world more with my laughter than I could care in my own soul...
I denied her loyalty and faithfulness when I
feverishly sacrificed myself at the call of others. I could never be loyal to
my own.
I denied her the gift of being long-suffering,
because I had to win the applause of the rest...
My compassion was for the rest than it could ever
be real to me... The cries of the world were far louder than my own, so I
snubbed my own tears.
I passionately ignited the dreams of others but
ignorantly smothered my own!
I witnessed my life spur out of control before I
could practice self-control.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am not angry, but I
am just depleted.... I`ve gone halfway through my life as a heroine to others
but a villain of my own... I`ve spread myself so thinly I have nothing more to
give or impress you with; I simply forgot to take care and appreciate my own...
I`ve made you smile more than I smiled and
delighted in myself; I`ve loved in exchange of appreciation; I`ve been more
understanding to the rest than I`ve rested in my own self knowledge.
Now please understand, when I seem to withhold
from you... Experience has taught me to free my `No` and embrace myself in
love. It`s time I put myself first,
applaud my own feats, celebrate my own uniqueness as I muse on my own milestones.
I choose to give myself the Love, Joy, Peace,
Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Long suffering, Gentleness that I carelessly
neglected and I ceased to live.
It`s time I go on an expedition of finding the abandoned me..... J
