Do not Nurse it, Curse it or Rehearse It.....

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”Do not Nurse it, Curse It or Rehearse It....” – Joyce Meyer

Sometimes, it`s easier for us to seek validation for our hurts than to process the pain and to move on.  We want the world to feel the discomfort of our pain, the mockery of the betrayal done to us, the simmering anger all crushing like a violent tide in our soul...

Nothing like daggers of betrayal deeply sunken in our backs from a trusted one, or an unsolicited insult hurled unexpectedly, both have one thing in common...... The hurt. When we experience hurt, it feels as though the world has unfairly burdened us with more than we could bear.  A part within us, has been tampered with, sadly, the hope of restoration is dashed.

Like a cherished souvenir we nurse the pain, occasionally referencing to it without giving thought of possible closure. We curse the offender and we keep rehearsing the incident to the world.  Like a scab that`s continuously picked on, the wound keeps reopening with a possible chance of reinfection and it never heals! We want the right to blame shift, the right to behave irresponsibly, the right to yell and scream about it, the right to hurt another, the right to criticise or hate on another, it`s all forms of nursing the pain. 

Again the wise words, “Let it go and Forgive..” it`s time to heal and move on, time to close one chapter for good and embrace the lessons. Don`t ignorantly stop life from flowing through you. 

The is no pain worth building a monument for....

Although by being wronged, it may feel like our power has been stripped from us, the truth is  beauty lies in our vulnerability... not when we react by arming ourselves with superficial masks of self-defence, but when we are open to our pain, embracing its sheer sting and asking God to heal us.  There`s no better place to be vulnerable than in Gods` presence. No need to act invincible and brave before Him.... It`s a matter of our acknowledgement of  our struggle and Trusting Him to embrace us unconditionally.      

It may take time for the sting of pain to dissipate, but God Is faithful to restore us.  He just doesn’t want us to get enslaved by what is hurting and destroying us.  He too has faced seasons of pain, betrayal, hurts... as the scripture states:

“He was looked down upon and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand, one look at Him and people turned away.  We looked down on Him...But the fact is it was our pains He carried – our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us. ....” Isaiah 53:3

Always remember, God`s love is a refuge, a restoring antidote, a soothing healing balm with restorative powers. Realise, each life`s painful moment, comes with a lesson of wisdom.  Pain never rides on its own without the wisdom its come to teach us. Pain always carries wisdom in its bosom.  Never lose perspective of its truth.

Like a moth attracted to a gentle flame, our flaws and pain attract Gods benevolent Love and Grace.

Shalom;

His Beloved J

Forget Not The Milestones.....

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Forget Not The Milestones.......

An attitude of gratitude includes celebrating the milestones in our lives...

A Milestone is defined as a significant event or stage in life... also explained as “reference points” in a journey.

They are those significant blessings on our path to destiny.  When God reveals Himself in our weakness, when He births miracles right before our eyes, when He restores more than we had lost.... all these are those defining moments of significance.

Milestones either show you how far you`ve come, how much you`ve overcome and how much you`ve grown from the person you used to be!  If we look at ourselves closely, we are not the same folk we used to be, we`ve evolved, changed, had the courage to let go of what we used to desperately clutch to in favour of being spiritually attuned to God.

Milestones are those defining moments that brought a significant change or breakthroughs in our lives.  They are those strokes of grace, nothing short of God`s favour and blessing.  You alone know the struggles you`ve faced, the pain endured, the dry seasons of testing and the tears shed in secret. But God`s grace brought peace in the trying times, healing in the secret places and favour in new territories,

At times your milestones are in the steps of progress, in the achievements or even in the breakthroughs.  In hindsight, you are an overcomer, an achiever even a survivor.    

I urge you to take moments of self reflection to note every milestone or stage in your life, that brings you so much praise and appreciation of your progress in this life`s journey.  Whatever it may be, take cognisance of it, not forgetting the dark seasons, the rocky paths and trials you had to endure in birthing the profound lessons you now uphold.

Whenever we have the occasional self doubts or even doubting God Himself, take moments of reflection and realise, Gods been faithfully working silently in the hidden areas of your life, and has been bringing change in the perches of your life.

“You may not be where you want to be, but praise God you not where you used to be...“  you have grown, matured, and no-longer struggle with formidable strongholds.  You've  garnered unshakable hope, resilient courage and strength to let go of what no-longer served you and embraced what only is beneficial to your life.

“He Is your praise and He Is your God, Who has done these great and awesome things for you which your eyes have seen...” Deuteronomy 10:21

His Beloved

:-)

 

As He Sees You......

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Isn’t it amazing that God has more faith in you and me than we have in ourselves...?

Feelings of doubt, low self worth, inadequacies begin to clear up, like mist making way for the sunrise peering in the horizon when we are reminded of God`s steadfast love.

God announces us while we are still consumed in the shadows of struggle, lack, low self esteem and any other negativity.  He calls out the hero out of the shrinking coward, a heroine out of a timid damsel.  Like a meticulous Creator, enthralled by the beauty of His creation He eagerly, continuously announces who we are.

God sees a King of the jungle in a young cub, a Giant Slayer in a small shepherd boy, a Father of many nations in a childless man, a deliverer of a nation in a runaway lad, a Mighty man of Valor in a hiding, seemingly insignificant, terrified young man. A Royal Queen in a young innocent girl....

How can we continue to contest with God, when He alone beholds the full knowledge of the purpose for which He created us?

Life`s dry barren episodes can never over shadow His nature. Clear blue skies void of rain clouds cannot deter Him as the Rain Maker. Our own times of testing, more conflicting in chaos than order, clamour than peace, can never cause Him to be faithless.  He Alone is Our Everything.  In the stillness of night or in violent, raging tempest of storms, we ought to believe, The Master Creator is at work.  So, be still and know it all pans out in the end.  He Alone as The Master Creator is at work, moving, restoring, uprooting and silencing storms in you and through you.

We often shrivel with doubt, failing to fathom the strength and abilities God placed within us.  In the midst of our strengths and struggles lies infinite potential. In us, God sees unstoppable possibility, captivating beauty and daring uniqueness hidden in potential and destiny.

Our availability is all what God requires, a willing, obedient, humble heart is enough for God to work with. Gods backing is more important than the cheering of a million!! Our backgrounds, our pasts, our history cannot deter God from using or blessing us.

God`s instructions will always set us apart. As we step in obedience doing what He has called us to do, He will back us up with His presence. If fear is an excuse, we ought to do it afraid and watch our fears hang behind us like still shadows.

It`s time for us to disengage from everything that has always taken God`s space in our lives, dethroning the false humility, self-limiting talk and honour God by embracing and trusting His Word fully as we disengage the familiar and embrace the abundant life He offers us. 

Often, the real us is never identified in the familiar we are accustomed to....We often mistake our identity with the familiar we`ve ultimately settled for.  So let go of the familiar and reach out for the infinite possibilities!!!!

Be Encouraged and let`s step out in Faith! J

His Beloved.....

The Lady In The Mirror......

A reflection stares back at me in the mirror I gaze at..... I barely know the truth about this woman staring back at me, she mimics all the movements I make as if to fascinate me even more.  I think I have a vague `idea` of who she is, but the thought evades me... I look deep in her eyes, as if I am looking remotely into something out of my reach... A numb sensation clouds my mind, then I realise, I don’t know the Truth about her...

The vivid reflection I`m focusing on barely reveals its soul to me... it`s not helping me understand... I can identify the image in the mirror but I vaguely comprehend its truth! 

I am eluded with lack of fact about this fascinating woman.... What gifts and talents does she hold, what dreams could she potentially hold, in fact who is she???  I am compelled to go on a soulful, spiritual expedition to uncover the truth she elusively hides.

The truth is; I lost myself.... The truth smashes into me as I recount the neglect I did... the shame scratches my soul by just the thought of what I did.  I betrayed myself... For the first time, tears trickle from my eyes, moistening my feet gently. I brave myself as I sternly look at the reflection gazing back at me, I embrace the confound truth... It`s me...

I`m guilty of not giving her the love, joy, kindness, peace, long suffering she has so desperately needed.

I denied her love but so graciously tried to love the world.

I denied her kindness because I was caught up being kind to the rest...

I denied her peace because the call for peace to everyone else` life was far greater than my own...

I denied her joy because I had to brighten the world more with my laughter than I could care in my own soul...

I denied her loyalty and faithfulness when I feverishly sacrificed myself at the call of others. I could never be loyal to my own.

I denied her the gift of being long-suffering, because I had to win the applause of the rest...

My compassion was for the rest than it could ever be real to me... The cries of the world were far louder than my own, so I snubbed my own tears.

I passionately ignited the dreams of others but ignorantly smothered my own!

I witnessed my life spur out of control before I could practice self-control.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not angry, but I am just depleted.... I`ve gone halfway through my life as a heroine to others but a villain of my own... I`ve spread myself so thinly I have nothing more to give or impress you with; I simply forgot to take care and appreciate my own...

I`ve made you smile more than I smiled and delighted in myself; I`ve loved in exchange of appreciation; I`ve been more understanding to the rest than I`ve rested in my own self knowledge.   

Now please understand, when I seem to withhold from you... Experience has taught me to free my `No` and embrace myself in love.  It`s time I put myself first, applaud my own feats, celebrate my own uniqueness as I muse on my own milestones.

I choose to give myself the Love, Joy, Peace, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Long suffering, Gentleness that I carelessly neglected and I ceased to live.

It`s time I go on an expedition of finding the abandoned me.....    J

You Are What You Think & Believe.....

You Are What You Think & Believe.....

 

On the dawn of the New Year, like many others, I was energised solemnly promising self to make this New Year worthwhile and a brilliantly successful one.  I was in praise, felt determined, and loved the expectant feeling. However, by the 2^nd of January, I was succumbing to a hidden struggle, my mind....

I know what it is like to have a clouded mind spiralling out of control with emotions, living in fear, hopelessness, lying beneath bed covers all day because of dread. Yet on a Sunday morning, praise God among an ecstatic charged crowd of believers but struggle to maintain the same exuberance in the privacy of my own home....

I know what it is like to live with a mind tinged with defeat, a mind that chooses negativity because it`s familiar, it`s what it believes.... auto-tuned by a negative perspective toward life.

The battle is indeed in the mind. No one can perceive the war within the host, a brewing of conflicting thoughts and paralysing emotions.  How can I continue to be loyal to such dysfunction...? Surely, I need a new rhythm of life in this year. Just plain resolutions not rooted in the Source of success, God, won`t yield much...   

The life changing decision dawned on the fact that, just because a thought flashes across my mind, it does not mean it`s worth embracing. With maturity, I am more self aware than I`ve ever been.  I realise the thoughts that dance away in the subconscious, swaying in collusion in the corridors of my mind. I watched them hopelessly subversively like a rushing train in the subway.

I`ve decided to train my mind on a new thinking format, through The Word of God, allowing it to take root in my spirit and renew my thinking. “...do not be conformed to this world, Be Transformed, by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and acceptable will of God – Romans 12:2”Inorder to step out of my mess, that I`ve been so accustomed to, I have to study The Word and Believe It... The Word of God has the ability to wash away all that does not glorify Him, uprooting all negativity from the root.  Enabling God`s own, to live a victorious life, flourishing with Health, Life, success, overcoming life`s battles.   

Though my flaws may be visibly clear as an annoying stain on a mat, they won`t deter me from believing in The Words power to cleanse and develop my character.

I have resorted not to nurse and embrace any thought contrary to The Word of God.  I may not have the ability to stop negative thinking, but surely, I am empowered not to embrace any of those negative thoughts. “You cannot stop birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from building a nest on your head”... Kenneth Hagin Sr.

Our lifestyle always takes after our thoughts....Watch your Thoughts; they become Words, Watch your Words; they become Actions, Watch your Actions; they become Habits, Watch your Habits; they become your Character, Watch your Character; it becomes your  destiny -Unknown-

I may not know your struggles; but I know mine and I have resolved not to continue my loyalty to dysfunction. Dysfunction is not who I am, its brought me this far, but I must embrace change, break  cycles of defeat and wrong choices inorder to go further in life. I dare to trust God and His Word.

Wishing you all the best in this New Year!

His Beloved..J

 

 

Just Been Thinking

 

Just Been Thinking.....

2013 is drawing to a rapid close.  What was recently a new year beaming in our lives, has done its part and it`s folding away.  I just have a constant dreary feeling about this year coming to an end and a new year peering in the horizon. 

I feel like a hard crusted bud, tightly sealed desperate to burst forth to life.  I do not equally share the same sentiments as some have, of God answering and super-ceding their wildest expectations in answered prayer of  realised dreams. But don’t get me wrong, (I do have blessings I am thankful for), their testimonies fill me with hope as I am aware that, “what God makes happen for others, He can do for me.”

Though I may have had a tight palpable sombre feeling in my gut, choking me at the very thought of not sharing the same sentiments as the rest, I realise, we are all in different seasons.  I have been in a winter season, hibernating from the world, incubated in a place I could only have a one on one encounter with A healing God nursing my brokenness and painting new dreams in my spirit.  I have not been parading in the light of the world, but been in a place of incubation.

As the year nears to an end, my soul, spirit and mind are wrestling this incubator that had me locked up in solitude.  Maybe I am at the verge of bursting to life like uncontained bellows of fire! Maybe I have been stretched long enough to a birthing point.  Maybe the unease I feel, is life about to announce itself in my solitude. 

My body is tired, I have never been desperate for change and hope to begin anew as now.  I am suddenly aware of the repressive darkness around me, in this incubator.  I feel like I am huddled in a crammed up position because I have outgrown this once fitting place of hiding, solace and comfort.

My once place of hiding has become a constant irritant, I kick! I push! I fight to stretch my limbs because they have grown. 

  I once embraced so fondly this incubator as a place of warmth, comfort and hiding from the world.  Never did I imagine that one day I would dare crave light and freedom.  Well at that time, I didn’t know me, didn’t know parts of me that I gladly embrace today.  I crawled into this incubator long before I knew how to embrace life. It helped me nurse my wounds and shame, hide my insecure self from a spinning world. It hid my weak limbs which were too feeble to stand and carry me, as I tried to face the world one more time.

Now that I am grown, my once feeble limbs are strengthened, I want to break free!!!! 

I fight the restrictions in defiance; this place of hiding can no-longer support the person I have become.  I am stronger, with a sense of identity and strong sense of purpose. I am glad; I was hid from the world to embrace myself.  I am blessed to have been embraced by The hands of a Loving Compassionate Heavenly Father.  Only His compassion had the ability to have nursed me thus far.

I grew, super-ceded my own self limiting beliefs.  For once I embraced me, with all I am, fully aware of my existence, my wants, needs and desires. 

I gained strength and composure in the face of adversity; I flowed with the boldness of a lioness in charge, challenged beliefs and the status quo by just being me. 

For once, unapologetically, I let myself be.

The sparkle in my eye proves there’s a glimmer of hope; the twinkle in my eye proves I have embraced life with an innate desire to shine.... 

I have simply fallen in love with me! J

 His Beloved......

It`s Only Part Of The Process......

 

We all have ghosts from our pasts flashing in our minds, at any chance they get. They creep in, in our most unguarded moments trying to compete with God`s presence. 

No one ever told me that in my healing, I would encounter discouragement and bouts of despair.  I would find myself celebrating one or two steps forward then find myself sliding four steps back! I mean could this be progress? Why would I get to feel spiritually invincible certain days and bitterly defeated other days? I thought with emotional wounds, it would be as instant as a fairy godmother waving a magic wand on my brokenness...  unfortunately not at all.

The world clogs our ears with critical insensitive remarks like “just get over it!” The unsung truth is healing is a gradual process.  At times more like a drudgery of an emotional roller-coast ride, culminating of victorious highs and dismal lows of despair. Yet, if followed through, the process yields so much fulfilment.  Healing can never be hurried or accelerated. The lessons of pain and brokenness can never be mastered in haste.   

Before, I didn’t have a better understanding of how to handle my inner struggles. They were my identity, deeply ingrained in me since my childhood. I constantly taunted myself with a severely negative thought life, shying away from the good I thought I did never deserve and dreadfully embraced mediocrity instead.  Shame and insecurities lay camp in my already broken soul.  This depreciated my self-worth hence a torrent of self-demeaning thoughts flowed uninhibited in my mind ravaging my self-esteem like an untamed destructive fire.  I recount more inadequacy feelings than appreciative thoughts. 

Sheer desperation for change, led me through a determined self-education phase. I just had to restore myself.  With inspiration from watching talk shows, I would immerse myself in a plethora of activities which included, self-help books, positive talk, reading biographies, meditation among other remedies. I just had to fix myself. 

I knew God, had a relationship with Him, but had a narrow view of what it meant, by Him being Christ in my life.  I kept my flaws in front of me but away from Him.  Somehow I believed, I was responsible for my own transformation.  But that yielded a great sense of failure. Imagine being with The Great Physician Himself, but never daring to consult Him.  

It took yet another harrowing experience when I finally tossed away my self-help material and turned to scripture. I am sure God had been waiting on me to quit trying and finally to consult Him. Vehemently flipping through the pages of my bible, I stumbled upon a verse I highlighted a long time ago...

 Psalms 51 verse 17... (Amplified Version) ...“My sacrifice (the sacrifice acceptable) to God is a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart (broken down with sorrow for sin and humbly and penitent) such Oh God You will not despise...”

 Clearly my emotional mess was brokenness before Him.  I had `known` God as The Saviour, Redeemer of my sins, but I had never experienced Him in my brokenness.  I had never dared to trust Him to lead me to a place of healing and restoration.  In fact, my understanding of divine healing was only restricted to the external physical part of our mortal bodies, but never of the injured crushed soul.  

My insecurities, inadequacies, lack of self-esteem were all etched in the crevices of a broken injured soul. An injured soul deprived of self-love, self-appreciation, boundaries and true joy, a result of a broken and contrite spirit.

 As I delved deeper in studying meaning of the scripture, I came across the Hebrew meaning of broken, it is `shabar` meaning, break in pieces, shattered or crushed.  When you bear an injured soul, it is fragmented.  It`s one thing to pretend you got everything under control, yet be fragmented on the inside.  The more of yourself you cannot control, the more anger you spew out/ the more hurting you become.  

Before the God encounter which beckoned me to a journey of restoration, my soul, like puzzle pieces in the hands of a clueless child, I desperately clutched onto fragmented bits of a former self.  Fragments of broken dreams, a destroyed self portrait, burnt passions, a severed dignity and a trail of hurts and disappointments.  Life had not killed me, it just broke me, but when I put the fragments of my soul in God`s hands, He made me stronger.

I write this blog prayerfully, imploring you not to lose hope in the possibility of ever becoming whole.  Hanging onto the pain and disappointments stalls progress, breeds bitterness and negates change. 

Our God Is an All-Restoring, Supernaturally Transforming God.  In our eyes, our souls appear to have been reduced to useless shreds of weakness because of enduring pains, betrayal, abuse, rejection, abandonments and everything that implodes our souls from within.

Don’t be quick to write yourself out of your journey to destiny.  I dare you to trust in God, Who has a skilful ability to weave in the intricate shredded yarns of our souls into a transformed tapestry piece of wholeness. I beckon you to a journey of unwavering trust in God, Who can glue together the broken, senseless pieces of your life. Your journey is just as important as your destiny.  His endearing Love draws Him to our brokenness like a moth to a burning flame.

Isaiah 42 verse 3.... ”He won`t brush aside the bruised and the hurt, and He won`t disregard the insignificant, but He will steadily and firmly set things right...” The Message Version

When I am broken, it does not mean I am of no use, but my brokenness always attracts my Masters hands to hold me up and gently restore me.  It is always in our times of brokenness that we experience the most of The Lord`s Love and Grace....

Be Encouraged!

 

His Beloved.... J