Just Been Thinking

 

Just Been Thinking.....

2013 is drawing to a rapid close.  What was recently a new year beaming in our lives, has done its part and it`s folding away.  I just have a constant dreary feeling about this year coming to an end and a new year peering in the horizon. 

I feel like a hard crusted bud, tightly sealed desperate to burst forth to life.  I do not equally share the same sentiments as some have, of God answering and super-ceding their wildest expectations in answered prayer of  realised dreams. But don’t get me wrong, (I do have blessings I am thankful for), their testimonies fill me with hope as I am aware that, “what God makes happen for others, He can do for me.”

Though I may have had a tight palpable sombre feeling in my gut, choking me at the very thought of not sharing the same sentiments as the rest, I realise, we are all in different seasons.  I have been in a winter season, hibernating from the world, incubated in a place I could only have a one on one encounter with A healing God nursing my brokenness and painting new dreams in my spirit.  I have not been parading in the light of the world, but been in a place of incubation.

As the year nears to an end, my soul, spirit and mind are wrestling this incubator that had me locked up in solitude.  Maybe I am at the verge of bursting to life like uncontained bellows of fire! Maybe I have been stretched long enough to a birthing point.  Maybe the unease I feel, is life about to announce itself in my solitude. 

My body is tired, I have never been desperate for change and hope to begin anew as now.  I am suddenly aware of the repressive darkness around me, in this incubator.  I feel like I am huddled in a crammed up position because I have outgrown this once fitting place of hiding, solace and comfort.

My once place of hiding has become a constant irritant, I kick! I push! I fight to stretch my limbs because they have grown. 

  I once embraced so fondly this incubator as a place of warmth, comfort and hiding from the world.  Never did I imagine that one day I would dare crave light and freedom.  Well at that time, I didn’t know me, didn’t know parts of me that I gladly embrace today.  I crawled into this incubator long before I knew how to embrace life. It helped me nurse my wounds and shame, hide my insecure self from a spinning world. It hid my weak limbs which were too feeble to stand and carry me, as I tried to face the world one more time.

Now that I am grown, my once feeble limbs are strengthened, I want to break free!!!! 

I fight the restrictions in defiance; this place of hiding can no-longer support the person I have become.  I am stronger, with a sense of identity and strong sense of purpose. I am glad; I was hid from the world to embrace myself.  I am blessed to have been embraced by The hands of a Loving Compassionate Heavenly Father.  Only His compassion had the ability to have nursed me thus far.

I grew, super-ceded my own self limiting beliefs.  For once I embraced me, with all I am, fully aware of my existence, my wants, needs and desires. 

I gained strength and composure in the face of adversity; I flowed with the boldness of a lioness in charge, challenged beliefs and the status quo by just being me. 

For once, unapologetically, I let myself be.

The sparkle in my eye proves there’s a glimmer of hope; the twinkle in my eye proves I have embraced life with an innate desire to shine.... 

I have simply fallen in love with me! J

 His Beloved......